Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
