is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
only you would photoshop your dick
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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