Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
