...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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