I could make wine with my vomit
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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