The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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