Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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