oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
