Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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