Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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