you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
