I looked at my own cervix.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
