Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
