Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
