we made out on top of his cat.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
