How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
