went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
