somebody snuck up and got me drunk
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
