Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
