I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
