We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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