I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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