he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
