i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
