Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize