she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
