don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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