I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
