i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
