her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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