had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
