There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
