I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
