so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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