your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
