Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
