The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
