I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
