that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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