Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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