You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
