I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
