im gay
i know
yea but for you.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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