I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
sick fucks of a feather flock together
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
