Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
