Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
