wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
