I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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