i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
