Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you didnt know i had herpes?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize