Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
