In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
