wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
