we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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