So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
