apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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