I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
