you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Everyone says I win the strip club
We're too hungover to prance.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
