I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize