your thong is hanging out like whoa
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
