i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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