he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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