Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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