I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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