I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
