3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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