you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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