how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
