Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
